Faith in friendship

I try not to blame myself ,
I try to learn from mistake.

I try to hear my conscience,
I try to stop making wrong actions.

But the same thing still happens,
I wonder when does this stop.

I don't mean to hurt people,
neither do I mean to send wrong signal.

All I have is just the word CARE,
I admit I invested it at a wrong place.

It's so hard to be God's servant,
To represent His love it's hard.

Sometimes I wish to be silent,
But that's not how God wanted it to be.

I will learn I need to learn.
Please teach me something that I don't know.

I still have hope for what is ahead of me
God you have to teach me.

May my heart still flourish
May my heart be refresh.

These all I ask, Lord.
These all I seek. Amen.

Somewhere in the middle

Carina send this song to me an hour ago. After following with the lyrics, it entirely describe what I am feeling right now, or should say past few weeks. I hope Lord will give me sound resolution to my heart's cry and wanting.

Artist: Casting Crowns
Song: Somewhere In The Middle

Lyric:
"Somewhere In The Middle"

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Week 2

I started off my Week 2 , to me, I think something unexpectedly. I woke up at 6.30 am and went back to sleep again thinking that I could woke up after 10 minutes. Once I opened my eyes and looked at my digital alarm clock blurry, it was 7. 55 am. I was really shock but I was still calm. By the time I got to the class, I missed the first quiz of my Genetic class. At that time, I was still not awake from my sleep but however, I sat through the class still able to focus on what Dr Rothman was saying.

Well...I am not relieved over what happen this morning. I am a little bit tense. I kept thinking about what is missing in my quarter this year. What is so different about this quarter than the quarters before?

1. Coming into the class and see familiar faces.
2. The smiles and laughter during class break.
3. Asking each other about homework.
4. Catching up with each other's plan of the day.
5. Seeing familiar faces around the campus.
6. Hanging out together in RIT events.
7. Messaging each other on MSN.
8. Just the feeling of sitting with friends on each other side.
9. Listening to a friend's problem and lament.
10. The awe and wonder for friends.


I pray so much everyday that God will give me sense of peace and replace my heart with something new. I thank God that He gave me a companion like Park Jinhee, Fan and Zerene. But, things still not the same. I hope I can find peace for this and be brave to move on by myself with lots of God's grace, especially now that I am planning my way to graduate school.

The memories of the old days are the source of motivation for me to press on