Something churning inside of me.

Today, I felt like I wasn't that responsive to the things surrounding me. No matter where I go or whoever I am meeting, I don't feel like talking more than 1 sentence . All I could do is sincerely smiling at everyone and wishing the best for them.

I feel like I am standing on a cloud. A cloud which is taking me to a destination. From the cloud I would look down to the things underneath and from there I observe every single detail and moments of an event. The event could be just simply observing two person talking, seeing a group of people doing their usual spring stuff on the lawn, seeing an instructor teaching away, listening to my friends talking about their highlights of the day....all these I could observe, feel for them, however, because I am on the cloud I only could send them my smiles and words without able to reach out to them.

I could choose not to do so or put myself in such situation, I could be more expressive and easily words out my thoughts. But, it seem hard to do that. I ask myself? Am I threatening myself for being such a situation? Am I going to stop meeting new people?

When I think about this, on the other side, I have a strong sense that God is trying to do something. I feel that He wants me to be in silent and pray faithfully in my heart to things happening in my life. I do know that my life is starting to change and I am not sure how it is changing but God is at work for something. Every moment of waiting and each moment of patience, I find myself at awe seeing God's work around me. It seems that He has something great for me and despite of my wailing, (it's amazing how still I am about this) I have few words to ask him.

I remember the time I felt like this, was the time right after I finished my high school. I was in an intersection deciding which path should I choose to take. I taken the road which my parent wanted me to but God changed my direction. Thinking back, God is a loving person and He actually let me walked in a path which served Him and still let fulfilling my desires.

Right now, I wonder if I am being dumb to let myself feel like this again and totally waiting on Him in this time of intersection. I have a strong feeling that God wants me to learn about something else. Although I am worried sick about my future, I still keep up my faith in Him knowing that He has plans for me.

Father, Lord. I ask of you that you do not keep me in waiting too long but reveal to me of Your divine purposes. I am Your servant and I walk my life in You. Amen.